My Frenemy & How it Changed My Life

There was a time that pausing, and resting was my frenemy.

 

The minute I opened my eyes, I’d begin the mad rush of my day.  I’d jump out of bed and wouldn’t stop until bedtime.  My tightly filled appointment and to-do list were my honor badges.  The goddess I worshipped.

 

In my effort to feel good about myself,  I had bought into the belief that busyness and tiredness represented my worth—look how busy I am?  I must be doing something right? My ego felt valued, worthy, important and perhaps even special.

 

And somehow,  I was always surprised when a migraine appeared.  I’d lie upset that I had to cancel appointments, meetings, and commitments.  I felt betrayed because the eating right, the yoga, and my other self-care did nothing.  My ego would chime in letting me know how disappointing, unworthy and wrong I really was.

 

Then one day, amidst throngs of pain, I made a life changing decision—I asked my migraine what it was there to teach me?  With very little hesitation, it shared with me, “I arrive to set you free.”

 

Somewhere deep inside I had bought into a misunderstanding that to pause, to rest, to give my body exactly what it needed was unnecessary.  To create space to breathe, to rest, and be with myself was a waste of time, perhaps even weak.

 

“A pause gives you
breathing space
so listen
to the whispers
of the real you
waiting to happen.”
― Tara Estacaan

 

What I know now is that it’s in the pause that the richness of life is really lives and thrives.  It is the space where healing and growing happen. It is where we meet ourselves.  Where the freedom to be present and alive in the now flourishes.

 

I bought into busyness when my dad passed away.  To sit with depth of grief and loss was incredibly difficult for me.  In my effort to help myself feel better, busyness as the perfect coping skill It kept me in a whirlwind where I did not have to feel and acknowledge my pain.  It was the best that I could do at that time.

 

As coping skills go, busyness worked well until it was time to heal and change—until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

 

When we pause, we allow for our body-heart-mind to connect and inform of us.  It allows for us to re-member our inner knowing.  To listen to the Wise One inside us always there to free us from what no longer serves.

 

And, I did not do this alone.

 

I sought help. I got myself a network of cheerleaders, supporters, teachers and mentors—therapist, acupuncture, Chinese doctor, Western doctor, a life coach—not all at once but as my body requested and what would support my growth.  I also spoke with my friends and family telling them what I was working on so that they could be my allies and hold me accountable.

 

Pause.

Close your eyes.

Breathe.

Connect with yourself.

 

What does your Inner Wise One, your body need from you?

 

No need to wait for a migraine, back pain or dis-ease to let you know.

 

You got my support.

 

Love,

Jacqueline