Love trumps hate.

Many have arrived to my office this week stunned and in disbelief over the events in Charlottesville.  Some asking how to deal with the fear and anger. Others inquiring about the notion of love replacing hate.

One of the things I love about my practice is that I get to serve a multi-cultural, multi-religious, and multi-lingual population.  Many of my couples are of mixed ethnicity and even mixed religions.  Once during a women’s event, we looked around the room and experience such joy that in the circle were Christians, Catholics, Buddhist, and Muslim women of varying ages and cultures.  One woman stated, “We can teach the UN a few things.”

There is a part of me that perhaps is a bit Pollyanna always looking for the good, the silver lining in everything: darkness always leads to light and after every storm there is always calm.

I admit that given the political climate of this country, it gets a little hard at times.  Today, I sat with a knot in my stomach and tears in my eyes.  Hate spewing out of so many. The silver lining becoming dimmer at times.

Hate is defined as the intense or passionate dislike for something or someone.  Hate helps build the illusion of separation, of being different, of competition over false identities.  This mixed with prejudices and judgements can be combustible.

Love on the other hand, is having affection, love, compassion for ourselves and for every other being.  It opens us up to see the beauty in things and the good in others.  It serves as a reminder that in God’s eyes, we are all the same.  A homeless man is no better than the one living in a mansion.

Love can erase hate because if we practice love and being in our loving, we are aware of our prejudices and we are willing to be curious and inquire about them.  We question the validity, where we learned it, how it serves us, and our willingness to change it.

I for one do not believe in being colorblind.  In full transparency here… when someone tells me that they don’t see race, they don’t see color…. I gulp.  It’s natural to see the difference in others.  What is not natural is closing down our hearts because of what we assume to know because of another’s skin color, religion, culture, or ethnicity.

When we allow ourselves to be curious and inquire about our assumptions, we actually open our hearts a little more. And when we forgive ourselves and our assumptions, we elevate the whole planet. 

The alternative is ignoring our  assumptions to the point where we judge ourselves for having them.  And given that life is a mirror into ourselves, we eventually see in others what we dislike in ourselves.  We then use hate to fuel and give ourselves permission to blame those that remind us of what we do not want to see in ourselves.

So can love erase hate?

Yes… it can and it eventually will.

In the meantime, please remember that you are love, are loved, and you were made to love.  Don’t shut down or don’t push away.  Once you center yourself in this, take it to the streets. Go out and be in your loving with others.

Here I arrive at my silver lining which is remembering….

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

– Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

Be the light we all need to brighten our world a little more today🌟.

 

With all my love,

Jacqueline

I have been in a dark spot….

Here it goes….

It has been quite the year so far!  Without having to go into too much detail — There is so much happening in our world… fast and nonstop.  Every day we are being bombarded with bad news, scary news, and it does not seem to be getting any better.

In an effort to help myself feel better (or at least stop feeling so much, so much of the time), I led myself right into a dark hole.  Admitting this does not feel good. 

But it’s the truth. I haven’t felt as inspired or driven as I usually do in life.  There has not been much to feel good about or be motivated by.  This encourages the mind to focus even more on the negative and eventually apathy sets in.

In the dark moments, I’ve even struggled to feel inspired and alive.

I will also admit that the dark can be inviting.  The dark is not all bad for in the dark we also find a sense of being cocooned and feeling safe.  Our shadow parts also are not seen here.  But, it is definitely not a place where aliveness and inspiration live.

And since I’m not one to stay in the “dark places” too long, I decided to s-l-o-w…w-a-y down and inquire within, “What the heck is going on here?  What is trying to get my attention here?  What is is that my soul is trying to get me to learn?”

When I finally let myself be still and quiet and, most of all, be okay with where I was, the answer was crystal clear.

Darn!  I had lost my way again.  I had gone back to my best coping skill of all…. BUSYNESS!  ARGH!

Oh how I see it now!  I had been running around like a chicken with her head cut off.  Errands, meetings, family, friends, cleaning (every drawer and closet… busy is my frenemy), and even turning things I love to do into obligations.  Meeting things with heaviness because there was no time to enjoy…go… go … go.

Can you relate at all? Have you ever been there too? 
(I know I am not alone in this).

Having been in this hole before, I knew what I needed to do….

I had to get out of my comfort zone and reengage with what helps me come alive.  I had to reengage with pleasure.

Because when we feel pleasure, our brain chemistry changes.  The happy receptors get triggered and we react less to fear and anger, and we become open to aliveness and inspiration.  

And here is what I did:

1. Be in nature.  Go outside, not just looking out a window.  Go BE IN nature. Step on the grass or dirt barefooted.  Breathe. Feel the breeze on your face.  Smell a rose or a gardenia (heaven on earth).  Birds chirping.  Mother Nature always creates masterpieces for us to enjoy.

2.  Shake my bootie.  This is a game changer.  I will shake and dance at any time of the day with or without music: A shoulder shimmy, a hip circle, twirling my hands, and sometimes just shaking… literally!  I even do it in between appointments and sometimes with my clients.  It is the easiest and most effective way to get out of my head (where the scary stories exist) and get back into my body where pleasure lives.

3. Eat slowly.  Notice what you are eating.  What is the texture? What part of the pallet get pleasantly triggered? Food is fuel for your body and your soul.  It is sensual and pleasure-filled.

4. Stop and look around.  Your beauty is being reflected back to you ALL the time.   Try it right now…. Stop for a moment and look around you.  What is beautiful around you?  What triggers your vision to feel more alive and engaged in your surroundings? The feminine requires beauty. If you don’t look for it, you won’t see it. And don’t look at the dust bunnies and what needs to be cleaned… it will be there later.

5.  Find the most pleasurable part of your body right now.  It can be sexual, but the truth is that for most women, pleasure is many times not connected to sex or to our sexual organs.  Perhaps it’s running your fingers through your hair?  May be it’s your running your toes up your leg?  Consider tickling the roof of your mouth with your tongue.  What feels good?  And are you willing to let yourself experience it exactly when you need it?

And it worked!  I’m feeling like myself again.

The world has not changed much, but how I relate to it, how I respond to it comes from a more enjoyable place.  One that is definitely filled with more aliveness and inspiration.

So how does this all relate to you?

Well… you see #’s 1-5 above? The part about the “pleasure”?

I am CERTAIN that we all need a little of that.

It will fuel you.

It will inspire you.

It will push you beyond your comfort zone. (Yes, we all need that push!)

It is the medicine to what ails your body, heart, mind, and spirit.

So here is my invitation….

I want to invite you to step out from whatever you are doing and join me for an evening of refueling and inspiration. 

Pleasure is our birthright and a way that we can heal, expand, and grow as women.

This event will focus on pleasure being medicine – healing and how to use it to more fully align and nourish your body, heart, mind, and spirit connection FOR YOU.

You will walk away with practical ways to support yourself to feel more alive, more sensual in your own skin, and most importantly, learn your own unique pleasure blueprint.

Best part?

Because of the warm and intimate nature of this event, you’ll enjoy learning and connecting, even if you’re a chronic introvert like me.

Register now and take advantage of the GAL PAL discount.

If you’re curious or have questions, please email info@jacqelinemendez.com or call me 818.804.1284, so we can set up a time to talk.

So looking forward to sharing this magical night with you.

With all my love,

Jacqueline

Our body… The Greatest Learning Instrument… Enjoy the Ride

If we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, then our greatest learning instrument is our body.

Let’s start with our most human parts.  Our belly being the keeper of our emotions and the archaic stories of our tribe.  Our hips helping us move in the world. Some with more relaxation, others with more tension… both being okay.  Our pelvic floor rooting us to Mother Earth and the place where we connect and disconnect from everyone else.  All of it showing up for our learning and expansion.

Throat, eyes, and crown being our more ethereal and abstract parts.  Our throat seeking to speak our truth, sing what we feel, and shout what we must say at times.  Our eyes guiding us to what we envision for ourselves.  The eyes also being the mirror, gateway to the soul – the core of our being that carries no stories of hurts or dissatisfaction, but just pure loving.  Our crown being the spot in our body that is most connected to that which is higher than us.  Call it any name you want – God, Yahweh, Allah, Spirit, Universe, Goddess – it is all the same.  It is the part of us that leads the inquiry into who we are, what life is about, and seeks meaning to our existence.

This leads us to the heart.  The part that balances the ethereal and the human, the part where love resides.  It is in our heart space that love is born, love is given, and love is received.  Stories do not exist here. When we are born, breath comes through here. And when we leave our body, breath comes through here.  It is the place where we nourish our human desire to connect and our soul’s calling to expand.

So where does the brain fit into all of this?

Your body is the vehicle while your mind is the navigation system. They work together, not separately or in contradiction of each other.

 

We are the drivers of our ride.  When we decide to go right, we go right.  When we decide to turn left, we go left.  The navigation does not take over, but simply helps us get there.  From time to time the navigation system gives us feedback “maintenance required,” “hazard,” or even “system overload,” but it does not take over the driving.  Therefore the only time our minds take over is when we forget how powerful and divine we really are.

You are a spiritual being having a human experience.  You came equipped with all you need to handle this crazy and delicious life ride.

So next time the navigation system wants to take over, here are a few suggestions:

 

  1. Breathe s-l-o-w-l-y feeling every inch of your being.  Notice where the tension is. Breathe into that area.
  2. Place one hand over heart and the other over the area tension and say, “I am a spiritual being having a human experience and I arrived equipped with what is exactly needed at all times.” Repeat as needed…and breathe.
  3. Celebrate the good moments. Don’t wait to remember you are human only in the negative, heavy moments.  Celebrate the happy feelings because they too are part of this ride.

 

Loving and supporting you,

Jacqueline

 

Photo by Craig Whitehead