My Frenemy & How it Changed My Life

There was a time that pausing, and resting was my frenemy.

 

The minute I opened my eyes, I’d begin the mad rush of my day.  I’d jump out of bed and wouldn’t stop until bedtime.  My tightly filled appointment and to-do list were my honor badges.  The goddess I worshipped.

 

In my effort to feel good about myself,  I had bought into the belief that busyness and tiredness represented my worth—look how busy I am?  I must be doing something right? My ego felt valued, worthy, important and perhaps even special.

 

And somehow,  I was always surprised when a migraine appeared.  I’d lie upset that I had to cancel appointments, meetings, and commitments.  I felt betrayed because the eating right, the yoga, and my other self-care did nothing.  My ego would chime in letting me know how disappointing, unworthy and wrong I really was.

 

Then one day, amidst throngs of pain, I made a life changing decision—I asked my migraine what it was there to teach me?  With very little hesitation, it shared with me, “I arrive to set you free.”

 

Somewhere deep inside I had bought into a misunderstanding that to pause, to rest, to give my body exactly what it needed was unnecessary.  To create space to breathe, to rest, and be with myself was a waste of time, perhaps even weak.

 

“A pause gives you
breathing space
so listen
to the whispers
of the real you
waiting to happen.”
― Tara Estacaan

 

What I know now is that it’s in the pause that the richness of life is really lives and thrives.  It is the space where healing and growing happen. It is where we meet ourselves.  Where the freedom to be present and alive in the now flourishes.

 

I bought into busyness when my dad passed away.  To sit with depth of grief and loss was incredibly difficult for me.  In my effort to help myself feel better, busyness as the perfect coping skill It kept me in a whirlwind where I did not have to feel and acknowledge my pain.  It was the best that I could do at that time.

 

As coping skills go, busyness worked well until it was time to heal and change—until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

 

When we pause, we allow for our body-heart-mind to connect and inform of us.  It allows for us to re-member our inner knowing.  To listen to the Wise One inside us always there to free us from what no longer serves.

 

And, I did not do this alone.

 

I sought help. I got myself a network of cheerleaders, supporters, teachers and mentors—therapist, acupuncture, Chinese doctor, Western doctor, a life coach—not all at once but as my body requested and what would support my growth.  I also spoke with my friends and family telling them what I was working on so that they could be my allies and hold me accountable.

 

Pause.

Close your eyes.

Breathe.

Connect with yourself.

 

What does your Inner Wise One, your body need from you?

 

No need to wait for a migraine, back pain or dis-ease to let you know.

 

You got my support.

 

Love,

Jacqueline

Screw the Goals… Cherish the Stillness

“Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom
– Francis Bacon

 

The New year is here! 

Happy 2018!

One of the most powerful ways to move forward in creating your dreams and intentions for the new year is to focus on what you’ve learned, celebrate your wins, and forgive the past.

I find that when I do this, I feel more present, more grounded, more at ease, and most importantly, excited about what’s next.

And, how I begin this process is by finding the stillness, the moments of pause and silence.

When I was a child, I loved New Years.  I loved the idea of starting over and that come January 1st, the past was wiped, fresh start.

The older I got, the more life experience under my belt, the more I felt the heaviness of what I did not accomplish, the goals left behind, and the relationships, including the one with myself, that did not feel any better.

In an effort to feel good, I followed what so many “experts” say to do – jump right into creating and manifesting on the goal line.  The heaviness did not quite go away.

I found that when I moved past the stillness and straight into goal achievement I was skipping the most important lesson …. MY SOUL LEARNINGS, the reason why my soul had called in those precise let downs and wins.

“Learning how to be still, to really be still and let life happen – that stillness becomes radiance.”
~ Morgan Freeman.

Soul Learnings is the belief that everything that happens – the good, the bad, and the ugly – happens for my highest good.

We also cannot access our learnings though busyness, noise, and haste.

Seeking the stillness allows us to quiet the mind and stop judging, blaming, and avoiding.  Instead, we get in touch with our inner counselor, the part of us that is wise, holds equanimity, and has a higher vision.

From this place we begin to recognize what we learned in the last year with gratitude and grace.  We also get to celebrate the wins, something so many of us forget to do.

Forgiving others, not for their sake, but for our own sake.  Because in doing so, we create and manifest from a space of compassion, abundance, not scarcity, fear, or angst.

When we practice forgiving ourselves, we remember we are worthy of creating what we truly desire based on authentic alignment not guilt, remorse, or obligation.

Most importantly of all, when we slow down, we give ourselves the chance to ask, “What do I want?   What do I really really really want?” from a place of what feels good and what nourishes me and my relationships.

Where to find moments of silence….

  • Taking a shower or a bath.
  • In the car, arriving home, right before getting out. Or, after dropping off the kids before driving away.
  • Morning coffee… sip it slowly.
  • Before or after a yoga class.
  • Park your car at the furthest point of a parking lot and walk slowly towards your destination.
  • Close your eyes.  Breathe slowly and deliberately.
  • Rather than look at social media, read emails, or play a game, put on a song you love and let your body lead (you may want to put headphones on too).
  • Read a book.  The Alchemist being one I read every January.

And remember, that even the most beautiful rose bush is pruned and rested before it begins to radiantly flourish again.  Below are a few offerings on the making this year the most flourishing and sizzling yet.

Wishing a magical and magnificent 2018,
Jacqueline