Sacred Sexuality + More Heart Space in Your Sex Life

While modern religions have defined sacred and spiritual as being separate from the body, from nature, and certainly from sex, the ancient the roots of our language and history imply something quite different. 

Our collective history suggests that at one time there was a sacred nature to sex. 

Given the shifts in our current culture and news headlines, now is the time to reacquaint ourselves with this ancient wisdom.

Sacred is defined as that which is made or declared holy, revered, blessed, holy.   

Sacred is also understood differently by varying cultures. 

One example of this is how in many indigenous cultures, the concept of sacred is one of relationship—based on reciprocity and connection—rather than dogma or popular opinion. 

In these native cultures, humans, animals, plants, including Mother Earth herself, are considered sacred because everything and everyone are seen as an essential part of the Whole of creation.  Therefore, every living creature is recognized as inherently sacred because  each is part of the interconnected web of ecology and energy that births, sustains and carries life.

Sacred Sexuality is an essential part of many spiritual traditions and cultures.

Sacred sexuality implies an awareness that sex is the inception of life, of all that is, a powerful connection to Divine energy. 

It is no coincidence then that the word sacrum is also the anatomical term for the triangular bone at the base of the spine—the very place that Tantric traditions say is the seat of the sleeping kundalini or Shakti energy. 

When aroused through practice (e.g. yoga, dancing, hip circles, hip thrusts), the kundalini rises up the spine to awaken the spiritual centers in the brain—the place where many of our habitual mindless chatter also resides.  And when empty, the place where we connect to Source.  

And, here is where it is important to remember that without the sexual act, most of us would not be here. 

Sacred Sexuality therefore acknowledges that our life force and our sexual energy originate from the same source.  Once does not exist without the other, at least not for very long. 

Sex is sacred because of its role in bonding, connection, and staying present.

Mutually satisfying sexual exchanges naturally intensify bonding between people.  Of course, sex can take place without bonding.

But, if we are not careful and habitually have sex without bonding, without connection, this can eventually lead to heart closure or not seeing our partner as an equal in the relationship with equally important needs and desires.

Sex opens the heart only if we bring the energy up and we access our heart space.

The Tantric attitudes of slowing down, awakening all of the senses, tuning into subtle energy, letting go of judgment and blame, expressing gratitude for the gift of life, and savoring the present moment are wonderfully supportive tools for intimate relating.

When we take the time to remind ourselves of what we are really trying to create with our lovers, we become more conscious of the need to connect and create greater intimacy of the heart space. 

We attune and notice the nuances of our partner and co-create with them a safe space to talk about what we want and, as equally important, what we do not want. 

Sex then becomes more than the chase of the orgasm or performance. 

Sex becomes the vehicle with which all partners use their channels for pleasure to connect with themselves and their partner. 

This is how sex becomes sacred again because it expands our state of consciousness—we are fully present to the here and now in our own body and in that of our partner. 

Sex is sacred because of its role in accessing peak experiences of love, oneness, and healing.

Humans have an innate need for peak experiences of bliss, merging, and ecstasy. 

We also  have a deep longing for union with the Divine.

When we access expanded states of consciousness through sex, we validate our intuitive sense that sex can be worship and that worship can be erotic.

There’s a reason why in many moments of pleasure and orgasm,  the words that are moaned most often is “oh my God!”

Sensuality is the embodied alignment of body-heart-mind-spirit.

Sacred Sensuality integrates our personality, our soul, and our human nature.  How we relate to our world, ourselves, and others is done through the innate sensual body.

The paths of Erotic Spirituality teaches us to embrace and honor the body as a temple of Spirit, rather than trying to deny our natural sexual impulses. 

And when we begin to recognize our own body as a temple for the Divine, we also begin to see our partners through the same loving lens.

Because when we open our hearts to our own divine, sacred nature, we can then do the same for others.

How to Create More Heart Space in Your Sex Life
  1. Leave all judgments at the door… actually leave them at the curb.  There’s no room for any of it in the heart space.  When we focus on lack or what we are not getting, we are literally closing the heart space which makes it difficult to create and maintain connection.
  2. B-R-E-A-T-H-E. Sounds silly, but, yes, breathe!  It’s not about deep breaths to your pelvic floor (although that may help too, more on this in another blog).  Breathing is essential for us to relax, for the body to remain open and present. The more we hold the breath, the more the body tightens, the more the brain focuses on silly chatter leaving the heart to eventually close.  Breathe.  Focus on filling your belly and emptying.  See how it relaxes you and welcomes more softness to the front side of the torso. 
  3. Our NO is more important than our YES. The greatest lesson in any Tantra practice is knowing your “NO’s” because when you know them and express them, your “YES” is more heartfelt and genuine.  When we agree to something out of default, our body gets tense, and  so does our heart.  And, on the flip side….
  4. Listen… especially to your partner’s “NO’s.” Do not question, invalidate, minimize, or contradict any NO’s.  When you do, you are not present, you are not in your heart, and above all, you are no longer safe to your partner which always results in heart closure.
  5. Slow down.  Look at each other.  There’s a reason why most Tantric practices begin with Eye Gazing (aka Soul Gazing).  It gives us a chance to really see our lovers, feel their energy, and notice what feels good or not.

And, remember… this is a practice. not an event.

Most of did not get a chance to learn about sexuality in a sacred, holistic way.  So practice, be curious… and lead with the heart.

Love,

Jacqueline

In a dark spot….

Here it goes….

It has been quite the year so far!  Without having to go into too much detail — There is so much happening in our world… fast and nonstop.  Every day we are being bombarded with bad news, scary news, and it does not seem to be getting any better.

In an effort to help myself feel better (or at least stop feeling so much, so much of the time), I led myself right into a dark hole.  Admitting this does not feel good. 

But it’s the truth. I haven’t felt as inspired or driven as I usually do in life.  There has not been much to feel good about or be motivated by.  This encourages the mind to focus even more on the negative and eventually apathy sets in.

In the dark moments, I’ve even struggled to feel inspired and alive.

I will also admit that the dark can be inviting.  The dark is not all bad for in the dark we also find a sense of being cocooned and feeling safe.  Our shadow parts also are not seen here.  But, it is definitely not a place where aliveness and inspiration live.

And since I’m not one to stay in the “dark places” too long, I decided to s-l-o-w…w-a-y down and inquire within, “What the heck is going on here?  What is trying to get my attention here?  What is is that my soul is trying to get me to learn?”

When I finally let myself be still and quiet and, most of all, be okay with where I was, the answer was crystal clear.

Darn!  I had lost my way again.  I had gone back to my best coping skill of all…. BUSYNESS!  ARGH!

Oh how I see it now!  I had been running around like a chicken with her head cut off.  Errands, meetings, family, friends, cleaning (every drawer and closet… busy is my frenemy), and even turning things I love to do into obligations.  Meeting things with heaviness because there was no time to enjoy…go… go … go.

Can you relate at all? Have you ever been there too? 
(I know I am not alone in this).

Having been in this hole before, I knew what I needed to do….

I had to get out of my comfort zone and reengage with what helps me come alive.  I had to reengage with pleasure.

Because when we feel pleasure, our brain chemistry changes.  The happy receptors get triggered and we react less to fear and anger, and we become open to aliveness and inspiration.

And here is what I did:

1. Be in nature.  Go outside, not just looking out a window.  Go BE IN nature. Step on the grass or dirt barefooted.  Breathe. Feel the breeze on your face.  Smell a rose or a gardenia (heaven on earth).  Birds chirping.  Mother Nature always creates masterpieces for us to enjoy.

2.  Shake my bootie.  This is a game changer.  I will shake and dance at any time of the day with or without music: A shoulder shimmy, a hip circle, twirling my hands, and sometimes just shaking… literally!  I even do it in between appointments and sometimes with my clients.  It is the easiest and most effective way to get out of my head (where the scary stories exist) and get back into my body where pleasure lives.

3. Eat slowly.  Notice what you are eating.  What is the texture? What part of the pallet get pleasantly triggered? Food is fuel for your body and your soul.  It is sensual and pleasure-filled.

4. Stop and look around.  Your beauty is being reflected back to you ALL the time.   Try it right now…. Stop for a moment and look around you.  What is beautiful around you?  What triggers your vision to feel more alive and engaged in your surroundings? The feminine requires beauty. If you don’t look for it, you won’t see it. And don’t look at the dust bunnies and what needs to be cleaned… it will be there later.

5.  Find the most pleasurable part of your body right now.  It can be sexual, but the truth is that for most women, pleasure is many times not connected to sex or to our sexual organs.  Perhaps it’s running your fingers through your hair?  May be it’s your running your toes up your leg?  Consider tickling the roof of your mouth with your tongue.  What feels good?  And are you willing to let yourself experience it exactly when you need it?

And it worked!  I’m feeling like myself again.

The world has not changed much, but how I relate to it, how I respond to it comes from a more enjoyable place.  One that is definitely filled with more aliveness and inspiration.

So how does this all relate to you?

Well… you see #’s 1-5 above? The part about the “pleasure”?

I am CERTAIN that we all need a little of that.

It will fuel you.

It will inspire you.

It will push you beyond your comfort zone. (Yes, we all need that push!)

It is the medicine to what ails your body, heart, mind, and spirit.

So here is my invitation….

I want to invite you to step out from whatever you are doing and join me for an evening of refueling and inspiration. 

Pleasure is our birthright and a way that we can heal, expand, and grow as women.

This event will focus on pleasure being medicine – healing and how to use it to more fully align and nourish your body, heart, mind, and spirit connection FOR YOU.

You will walk away with practical ways to support yourself to feel more alive, more sensual in your own skin, and most importantly, learn your own unique pleasure blueprint.

Best part?

Because of the warm and intimate nature of this event, you’ll enjoy learning and connecting, even if you’re a chronic introvert like me.

Register now and take advantage of the GAL PAL discount.

If you’re curious or have questions, please email info@jacqelinemendez.com or call me 818.804.1284, so we can set up a time to talk.

So looking forward to sharing this magical night with you.

With all my love,

Jacqueline

Our body… The Greatest Learning Instrument… Enjoy the Ride

If we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, then our greatest learning instrument is our body.

Let’s start with our most human parts.  Our belly being the keeper of our emotions and the archaic stories of our tribe.  Our hips helping us move in the world. Some with more relaxation, others with more tension… both being okay.  Our pelvic floor rooting us to Mother Earth and the place where we connect and disconnect from everyone else.  All of it showing up for our learning and expansion.

Throat, eyes, and crown being our more ethereal and abstract parts.  Our throat seeking to speak our truth, sing what we feel, and shout what we must say at times.  Our eyes guiding us to what we envision for ourselves.  The eyes also being the mirror, gateway to the soul – the core of our being that carries no stories of hurts or dissatisfaction, but just pure loving.  Our crown being the spot in our body that is most connected to that which is higher than us.  Call it any name you want – God, Yahweh, Allah, Spirit, Universe, Goddess – it is all the same.  It is the part of us that leads the inquiry into who we are, what life is about, and seeks meaning to our existence.

This leads us to the heart.  The part that balances the ethereal and the human, the part where love resides.  It is in our heart space that love is born, love is given, and love is received.  Stories do not exist here. When we are born, breath comes through here. And when we leave our body, breath comes through here.  It is the place where we nourish our human desire to connect and our soul’s calling to expand.

So where does the brain fit into all of this?

Your body is the vehicle while your mind is the navigation system. They work together, not separately or in contradiction of each other.

 

We are the drivers of our ride.  When we decide to go right, we go right.  When we decide to turn left, we go left.  The navigation does not take over, but simply helps us get there.  From time to time the navigation system gives us feedback “maintenance required,” “hazard,” or even “system overload,” but it does not take over the driving.  Therefore the only time our minds take over is when we forget how powerful and divine we really are.

You are a spiritual being having a human experience.  You came equipped with all you need to handle this crazy and delicious life ride.

So next time the navigation system wants to take over, here are a few suggestions:

 

  1. Breathe s-l-o-w-l-y feeling every inch of your being.  Notice where the tension is. Breathe into that area.
  2. Place one hand over heart and the other over the area tension and say, “I am a spiritual being having a human experience and I arrived equipped with what is exactly needed at all times.” Repeat as needed…and breathe.
  3. Celebrate the good moments. Don’t wait to remember you are human only in the negative, heavy moments.  Celebrate the happy feelings because they too are part of this ride.

 

Loving and supporting you,

Jacqueline

 

Photo by Craig Whitehead

Sensual… Not Necessarily Sexual